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This is the news headlines archive page. I no longer do many headlines and instead use the daily thoughts pages as my main opinion spewing platform
intellectual emptiness

Which reminds me - why are you making this clown even more money by using fakebook?

“The media should be embarrassed and humiliated and keep its mouth shut and just listen for awhile,”

Bullshit, you're fired asshole.

Trump: Not so fast assholes 'cause you're so, so fired!

Send in the super special drones for this asswipe. I'm serious, you can't go around calling for an assassination.

None other than the old bastard himself of course

That gets a 9.5 on the whatever meter.

Hang on, let me get my surprised face on

Later awards himself the Purple Heart for putting up with so much bullshit.

And screw it up with something else. Not sure with what, but it'll keep it screwed up.

Translation: Do it my way Trump or I'm really gonna screw things up for you.

May surpass Bush's achievments!

Fantasy fans rejoice over new alternative reality

...sigh...What do you want this time to stop?

Those nasty people are a waste flesh and perfectly good oxygen

What they're actually doing is trying to get Trump on their side

Which means it's time to double down and do it anyway

One has to wonder how many big bucks donors want a refund

52 ballots counted over 300 times among the "mistakes".

Includes creepy looking photo of perp

Next up, Lobster Dinners, First Class Tickets To Anywhere, Cameo Walk Ons, More Death Threats, Child Porn On Computers, Mysterious Accidents

After all, I can see them from my house.

In Washington, political zombies fill the streets, wandering aimlessly in tattered clothes they haven’t changed in weeks.

Hilarity insues....

Urges Liberal Media to Start Calling Trump an ‘Authoritarian’

1. When you've been falsely tagged as an "extremist" how do you get off the list?
2. Who exactly gets to decide what is extremist?

Just because you accuse someone of something doesn't make it true.

"I coulda been a great president if it wasn't for Fox News"

From the party that never thinks ahead

Great! Now when we refer to the legacy media, we'll define them as follows: mental retardation, habitual lying and sexual and social deviancy when making any and all comments about the dying state-sponsored propaganda media.

I got an idea. Lets send these people to Syria for some sympathy.

I've been saying for 5 years that America is now a banana republic. This is exactly what I mean by that.


Trump denied that he had energized the alt-right, but again disavowed the movement.

“I don’t want to energize the group, and I disavow the group,” Trump said. “It’s not a group I want to energize. And if they are energized I want to look into it and find out why.”


Desperation over election continues - anything other than fake mainstream "clickbait"

Millennial Speaker Thinks NRA Gives People Right To Bear Arms

 Reporter: Hey Obama, You Gonna Be Like A Grown Up And Leave Your Successor To It?

Obama: Hell No, I'm Going To Be Like A Hemorrhoid Until The Revolution Puts Me Back In Charge!

 Zuckerberg Mulls How To Identify Conservative News And Label It Fake

 Family Of Slain Soldier Booed On Way To Meet Body

Had enough of these communists yet?

CAIR Head: Overthrow U.S. Government = Sedition

Mitt Romney Sits On The Couch And Wonders What The Hell Just Happened

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see things didn't go so well for Mitt Romney at his meeting with Trump today. From his stammering and body language Mitt looked a bit lost. He couldn't even find his ride home after talking with reporters. He was like "What the fuck just happened to me in there."

Pence Mocked On Broadway - Waiting On Obama "Not Who We Are"  Lecture

 Revenge Of Obama: Sorry Donald, There's Going To Be Some Work Done In Oval Office. Maybe In Year 2 You Can Use It

 Liberal Mecca Of Sharia Law: Rape Victim Sentenced To Jail

Yeah, let's bring a few million more of them here. What could possibly go wrong?

Lena Dunham Flees To Desert, Asks Rocks For Advice

You can't make this stuff up. Although I often ask the voices in my head for advice...

Emergency Room Visits By Reporters On Upswing; Spinning So Hard They're Falling Down Dizzy

 Nutbird Nation Rises

 NSA Fortress In AT&T Building

 Altrightnation right again! China Moves To Censor Internet....Worldwide!

 Muslims Beat Man Who Resembles Trump

 The Old Bastard Being Sued

Good old George Soros is being sued for wrongful death of police officer.

And So It Begins....

A tip for the Twitter twits: When you threaten a president with killing him, they come to take you away, far away to a nice dark place where you can pick up soap for several years.

Mobs Turn Violent - Trump Voter Dragged From Car, Beaten

Apparently they don't get it. You lost everything.

Girl Attacked For Supporting Trump

 Portland Descends Into Violence

Obama: Hey! I Still Matter! I Killed Bin Laden! On A Weekend Too! I Never Even Got The Fruit Cup That Night!

Features photo of Obama trying to look cool next to an alpha male.

Flashback: Obama says "We won, get over it."

 Report: Clinton is inconsolabe


Now the kid wants to be in Congress. Good lord, just one generation, please.

 Trey Gowdy: Hang On Bitch, We Need To Talk To You.......

 Canada: Don't Come Here, We Don't Want You


Astronauts Vote From Space Station: We Want Our Damned Shuttles Back!
Simpsons, 2000 - Predicts President Trump

List Of Leftists Who Said They'd Leave U.S. - Bye Bye!

Philippine President: We're Both Nuts, Let's Do Las Vegas Act Together!

Hillary Goes Into Hiding - Biggest Manhunt Since Bonnie And Clyde

President Donald Trump Orders 762 Giant Pumps To Drain Swamp

Michael Savage - Attorney General?

1,267 Bricklayers Hired To Build Wall

Amazon - Record Number Of Crying Towels Sold

Leftists Begin Trump Impeachment Proceedings

Comey Caves Again......He Must Be A Republican

Desperate Communists Attack Trump Supporters

 Florida Absentee Ballots Redirected To Secret Voter Fraud Room For "Processing"

 Obama: Preference For Christian refugees "Shameful"

 Central Government: We're Going To Blame Election Rigging On Russkies

Arnold Schwarzenegger Threatens To Kill Global Warming Skeptics

Guy That Has Gangster Rappers In White House Throws Down KKK Card

Features photo of Obama looking like dictator

Sticks And Stones: Rutgers Fires Student For Words

Best Reason To Vote For Trump: Europe

Dunham: All In On BBC - Kill All Straight White Men

Apparently it's okay when they want genocide

Labor Rate Now At 62.8 % - That's 37.2 % of Americans NOT WORKING

All Dictators Are Great 'Til They Lose Their Shit

ISIS Soon To Be "Defeated" To Clear Way For Next Islamic supremacy Group

Podesta "Spirit Cooking"

Video: This Wikileaks thing just keeps getting weirder and weirder

Electoral College Map Shows Rigging Working As Planned

What, you thought just because they were caught they'd stop?

Trump Up By 3 In Virginia

Features photo of Trump shooting rainbows out of his hands riding a Unicorn. Honest to God.

Steve Pieczenik: Clinton Takeover Of U.S.

Tom Cotton: Clinton Foundation Largest Money Laundering Operation In World

This is not an FBI or a Director Comey problem. This is a Hillary Clinton problem, and this is why so many Americans view her as untrustworthy [...]

Youtube censors video on censorship

Yes it's true, you are in a parallel universe.

Carville Channeling Sorcha Faal?

750,000 Christians Killed In Syria

weiner tweeter

Wacky Weiner Whips Out Campaign Killer

Carville Unleashed: Blames Emails On GOP, KGB and FBI Hatched Plot

Clinton Accidentally Leaves Tweet Machine On, Goes Haywire

Podesta Best Friend In Charge Of Email Probe At DOJ - Promises "Quick" Review

Nothing to see here, move along, move along.


Preet Bharrapa / NYPD Discovered Emails - Comey Forced To Reopen?

Over 500,000 Emails Found On Laptop

Learned From USSR: Blame The Messenger

Thiel Gets It: Altright Ain't Going Away

It's Baaaaack! The Triumpant Return Of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy!

Features photo of Hillary looking really, really spooky

Caddell: Watergate V2.0

Germany Descends Into Anarchy

So, how's that let everybody in deal working for ya?

That Shit That Goes Around And Around Comes Around Once More On Hillary

Wheels of Justice Roll Towards Clintons

And as it turns out Carlos Danger just handed over the computer with no warrant needed! Could very well be called cosmic payback, eh? Sauce for the Goose, What goes around comes around, a dish best seved cold. Want some more? Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve. People hate when you show them how it feels to be treated the way they treat you.

Drudge Goes Full Tilt



Interview With A Supposed FBI Insider

You have to love these fake insider interviews just for the depth of the hoax.

Mrs. Carlos Danger And Her Ties To The Muslim Brotherhood

Yep, we're going there. The Weiner wife and the sordid story.

America, Egypt Style - Joint Chiefs Beg Military Not To Revolt If Hillary Elected

It took Obama only 8 years to turn America into a middle east shithole?

Loretta Lynch Pleads 5th Like A Mafioso

As Michael Corleone put it:  I have not taken refuge behind the 5th amendment, though it is my right to do. I challenge this committee to produce any witness or evidence against me.

New Space & Missile Commander Found Dead

Apparently he gave the wrong answer to, "Are you willing to use nuclear missiles against the United States?"

4 Out Of 5 Dictators Agree - Facebook's Great!

New DOJ Rules: We're Gonna Hack You

Viral Video Hoaxes Dupe Willing Public

Robot Police To Patrol Dubi By 2017

Academic Paper Written Totally In Autocomplete Gets Picked

More Soros shenanigans

Dimwit Stunned To Hear How Corrupt Hillary Clinton Is

James O'Keefe Fears For Life - Deadman's Switch Is On

Rigged Election Part 53 - 4 Million Dead And Ineligible Voters

Wikileaks Not Only Shit Getting Dumped

Hillary: Gays Getting Tossed Off Roofs Funny As Hell

Ecuador Says They Cut Of Assange Internet 'Cause He Dissed Hillary

Now Kerry is thinking "I wish they all rolled over like these schlubs."

CNN Says Clicking This Is Illegal

Obama Goes Stuttering Again - Reporter Asked Unapproved Question. No Word Yet On Reporter Being "Suicidal"

And Stop Whining...

Obama: Welcome To The Global Government. Please Leave Your Rights And Property Outside

Doom On, Totalitarian Government On The March - Wikileaks Under Attack!

Postal Worker Brags About Throwing Away Trump Ballots

We Told You For Months .... Rep. King Says Already "Rampant" Voter Fraud

Assange Loses Internet Service - Comcast Has Him Unplug Modem....

That shit never works. Someone will be in that area on December 10th.....

Stealth Destroyer Joins Fleet, Immediately Lost - "It was on radar a second ago..."

Guy Finds Wagon Wheel Ruts, Watches Ancient Aliens - Obvious Conclusion

Yeah, Okay, Whatever

Surprise Headline Of The Day: Doc Who Removed Hillary's Blood Clot Found Dead

That brings the Clinton death tally (for those of you keeping score at home) to 4,520

Latest Wikileaks Bombshells That Everyone Will Ignore

Abramoff: Prison Might Be Too Good

Free Nation’ or ‘Illusion of Democracy’ Controlled by ‘Global Special Interests Rigging the System’

Over Regulation Laws Lead To Jail For Recycling

Note 7 Continues Catching Fire - Samsung Kills The 7 - Major Profit Loss

Leftists Win - Republicans Wake Up Looking At The Lights<br
Lauren Southern Assaulted Over Free Speech

Guy Gets Balls Stuck Between Magnets

Gasoline powered jaws of life used. I don't care who you are, this shit right here is funny as hell.

Leonardo Decrapio: People That Don't Believe Lies Shouldn't Be In Office.

Democrat Voter Registration Busted.

Hendricks, Marion, Allen, Delaware, Hamilton, Hancock, Johnson, Lake and Madison counties in Indiana.

Hillary Bars Lobbyists From Transition Team Led By Lobbyist

Obama & Clinton Do It Again - Record Sales

Economic Hitman: They're Coming For Democracy

Supremes To Obama: Screw You

Michael Moore: Even I Can See It
People are mad and they're not going to take it any more

Tim Burton Says: Screw You It's My Movie

I Can Make That Law Worse!
If a Republican gets up and says "I got a really great idea" and the Democrat gets up and says "I can make it even better!", rest assured it's a pretty shitty idea.

Angela Davis: I Ain't Voting For That Crazy Chick!

The Fix Is In, Part 1

The Fix Is In, Part 2

The establishment will do anything to prevent Trump.

Comey Does In-House Perp Walk

Mayor Wakes Up Looking At The Lights

The Triumphant Return Of Y2K

A Second Super Secret Internet

True Despot: Jerusalem Not In Israel


They'll lose this one too.

Your read that right. A monkey and a deer were screwing like no tommorrow

Oh, come on - you've said it to yourself, admit it.

Judge tells him to STFU

You guessed it - porn

And apparently there's nothing you can do about it...

Orders your lazy ass to get up and constantly texts you all day

"Unknown Chemical" "Backflow Incident"
Backflow is dangerous because it can allow drinking water in plumbing systems to become contaminated and unusable.

Kidnaps drug lord's mom, demand family members back

Totally unrelated: Giant sinkhole baffles officials

Uses microwaves instead of propellant

Snowflakes Lecture About Bigotry

Hypocrisy, thy name is Creepy Joe Biden


 Lowes Now Using Robot To Bug The Shit Out Of You

 Cheap Ass Androids Have Backdoor Built In

 Science Guy: Aliens Are Already Here

 A Probably Fake News Story About A Guy Who Claims To Write Fake News Stories And Got Trump Elected

No, it's not Michael Savage!

 All The Agitators Named In Federal Lawsuit

Former prosecutor Larry Klayman against Obama, Holder, Sharpton, Farrakhan, BLM Leaders. The question is how far this will go before it's derailed.

How Bad Has It Gotten? Department Of Energy Emails Talk About Parallel Universes And Human Testing

When these people go crazy, it's not just talk even though the emails aren't leaked.

Russkie Science Guy: I Discovered Water From Noah's Great Flood

Scientists were shocked to discover that instead of solid, dry, dense rock massive amounts of water were found.

I Must Be A Damn Genius Or This Is Bullshit

Actually this is nothing more than an article trying to mainstream vulgar behavior.

 CAIR Goes On Fatwa Over Trump Security Pick

 ATF bullets for bangers operation is a success - Chicago On Track For 700 Murders In 2016

 Citibank Stops Using Cash

India: Modi Stops Using Cash

Nothings worse than a billion people packed together like Sardines panicking.

 Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor: Don't Worry, We'll Continue To Rewrite Constitution While Clueless Protestors Mutter

 KC135 Mistaken For Mystery Plane

 Overlooked Flyin' Saucer Clues

 Sore Losers: Thanksgiving Invitations Ban Political Talk

But in 2008 and 2012 it was just fine.

 Dem Who Find Christian Bakery $144,000 Is Gone

 Beetle Bailey Says "Violate Constitution And Drop Electoral College"

The good news is we haven't heard from this idiot in 30 years

 Maine Drops 9k From Welfare For Refusing To Work

 Trump Refuses Salary

Clinton:I'll take it because like I was entitled to be president

 Leftist Meltdown Continues

Grubhub CEO - Trump Voting Employees.....Resign!

CNN Meltdown Continues - Trump Got Popular Vote Too

Jennifer Lawrence: White Men Cost Clinton Election

Fat Man Plans Overthrow Of Trump

Canadian Press: Obama Will Shove TPP Before Trump Takes Office

 Look For Liberation Theology Leftists To Become More Violent

 Two Decades Of Dictators In America

 More Trump Campaign Office Defacings

Obama Pulls Out His Liberation Theology Preacher Voice

Talks about himself over 200 times

Does his stutter trick again


Obama Prepares Final Stab At Israel

Putin: EU Refugee Policy Can't Even Fit In My Head

"What are they thinking?"

Canada Sends Entire Miliary To Arctic To Find Mysterious Noise

The Canadian Air Force sent its attack fighter hang glider, The Navy sent its Battlecanoe, and the Army deployed its long range patrol dog sled to investigate the mysterious hum and ping. Owner's Life Threatened

Pope: Not In Our Treehouse! Girlz Not Allowed

Slow Motion Train Wreck Of Dispair Continues

The Affordable Care Act’s open enrollment period for 2017 began yesterday. The timing couldn’t have been worse for Hillary Clinton. Across the country, exchanges opened with higher premiums, fewer carriers, less choice and smaller networks.

Jacuzzi Of Dispair

No, it's not Anthony Weiner's bathroom, it's at the bottom of the sea

More Hillary Screeching

Article About Guy In A Dress

J Edgar Hoover that is

5 Lamest Excuses From Democrats About Obamacaretm Rate Hikes

Free Housing For Illegals

Apparently it's some kind of national emergency to find houses for the illegal children. How about this - don't let the little shits waltz across the border!

You Want Me To Say WHAT??!!

CNN Lies Falling Apart Like A 5 Year Old

Iraqi Special Forces Riding Their Lawnmowers Capture Television Facility

Weiner's Twitter Feed Is Off The Hook!

"Huma just left a voicemail screaming at me. I could barely understand her, but it sounds like they found the threesome video on my phone."

Fat Chick's Ads Pulled After Beer Sales Plumet

NSA Front Group Considers Billboard To Spy Into Cars On The Road

Tragedy In Japan: Patient Burned During Surgery

Male Birth Control Testing Stopped - Guys Getting Cranky And Pissy

Russian Science Guys: Ice Age Within 15 Years

Harry Reid: Hang On, I'm Going To Make Some More Shit Up

Takes 20 minutes to wash off what he pulls out of his ass

Complaint Against George Soros Filed With Maricopa County

Canadian Perfesser Says Canoes Symbol Of White privilege

I'm calling bullshit on this once because there can't be any human alive this stupid. It's impossible.

Paul Ryan: Suspend Classified Briefings For Clinton

Don't worry, he'll cave by Tuesday

Another Reason Doesn't Use Social Networks

Facebook lets advertisers target ads by race.

July: Democrats Praise James Comey

October: Democrats Slam James Comey...For Same Thing

Boy oh boy is that worm turning!

Jesus had a sense of humor as well as joy, and expressed it in some of his teachings.

And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house because this man too is a descendant of Abraham. For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost.”

Another Violent Trump Supporter Cold Cocks.....Oh Wait A Minute....

Democratic candidate Tim Benton cold-cocked Republican Brenden Jones at the annual Beast Fest in North Carolina.

So Hillary Walks Into A Bar....And It's Not A Joke

Her campaign stop on a Sunday morning is a bar. Who the hell is at a bar on Sunday morning?

Poll: 10 Point Swing For Trump Before FBI Announcement

What Could Possibly Be Worse Than Hillary Clinton Or John "Lurch" Kerry As Secretary Of State?

Answer: Joe Biden. Holy shit, that's not even funny. This idiot would really start a nuclear war.

Weiner Memes! The Gift That Keeps Giving

Mere moments after the FBI announcement, 10,542 new Weiner memes were created

Trump In August: Weiner Knows

Jerry Springer Election Nears Plot Reveal

Little did I know that just 24 hours after writing this the greatest October Suprise would happen.

Jefferson: You Can Be Ignorant Or Free, Your Choice

Also known as the get your heads out of your asses quote.

Dislike Will Make You Wrong - Just Ask Nate Silver

Transgender Navy Led By No Experience Admiral In Showdown With Red Chinese

Trump Makes Move To Charge Clinton

Putin: Hey Obama, How's That Transgendered Military Thing Coming?

WWIII looming closer and closer...great excuse to cancel elections too!

Students In Texas Raise Bullshit Flag After Teacher Says Humans Are From Africa

Fortinet Threat Map Show Internet Attacks on U.S. ..... Coming From U.S.

WTF - DoD Does Foreign Election Outreach

Dems Talk Rigged Election

While Imbecilic Republicans Bicker Dems Unite

Drudge: Existence Of Shadow Government Revealed In Wikileaks Clinton Emails!

Confirmed: Clinton Campaign Paying $$ For Violence At Trump Rallys

Lou Dobbs: 18 MILLION Illegals Voting

Lurch Reappears To Lecture Us On Air Conditioning

hillary drags out her deplorable basket

Hillary Meets With Astronaut, Wants To Know If The Alien Overlords Are Deplorable

Not To Be Outdone, Deplorable Space Nation Of Asgardia Founded

Kissinger: Ve Vnow To Flook To Vrichard Nixon Vas An Example

Hillary's way ahead of you on that one pal.

America Now Firmly On Trajectory Toward Something Very Bad

Trump Calls For Blood Test Before Next Debate

Says, "Really, I have the best blood in the world. Ask anyone, they'll all agree. My blood is so good they make wine from it"

Dogs And Cats Sleeping Together! Farrakhan Lambasts Hillary, Defends Trump!

Obama Wants "Truthiness" Or Some Shit About Something Or Other

Voter Fraud Will Seal This Election. Mark My Words.

Green Idiot Burns Island By Burning Toilet Paper

Chick Who Claims Trump "nudged" Her At Concert....That Never Happened

Podesta: Hey! We Outta Kill Scalia

Wacky Jordanian In Flight School Aims Plane At Pratt & Whitney - Misses

Unaffordable Health Care Act Punishes Full Time Work.

Kerry To Lecture "Partners" Over Syria

'Key step to World War 3'

‘People now experience the entire world as a form of bullying’

Paul Ryan - Not Impressed

The Fix Is In, Part 3

Leftists Refuse Press Protection To Internet New Services In Bid To Kill Internet

Kane Konks Out - Fires Everyone In Hissy Fit

IRS Targets Tea Party Again, Commits Criminal Act By Releasing Tax Data Of Groups

Ben Stein: Orwell Is Alive And Well

WWIII On Track - Russia Says U.S. Breaks Plutonium Deal

Regime Strips Judicial Watch Of Media Status
And by the way FOIA are gonna cost you more too.

So The Leftist Shitheads Want Us To Be More Like Europe?
Okay, I guess we need to start punching each other.

Striking Back Against Political Correctness

Ghost Stories From A Nurse

Trump: screw Common Core

Trump: Your Ass Better Not Pardon Them

Philippine President: Yeah, I'm Just Like Hitler

No Consensus - Radio Signals From Deep Space Baf



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